Nico's Decision
by mizutani asuna
Summary: In which Nico comes out to his sister Hazel, instead of being outed against his will, in front of a complete stranger. One-shot.


**A/N:** I was emphatically _not_ happy with how Nico was outed in the House of Hades. So I've decided to write my own version of events; how I'd have preferred things to go. This is written from Hazel's perspective, and is as canon-compliant as I could make it. It's meant to take place in the middle of the book, so it is going to read like you're coming into the middle of a story. Fair warning.

Yes, the title is not creative. Still, I felt the need to emphasize the lack of _being_ _forced out_ in this fic.

Reviews are appreciated.

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><p><strong>Nico's Decision <strong>

Jason and Nico returned to the ship. According to Nico, they'd chased a ghost around Croatia, but they hadn't been able to catch up to him.

"We're running out of time," Jason stressed.

"No duh," Leo said.

"And you guys have no idea who he was?" Piper asked.

Nico's expression darkened, though no one but Hazel seemed to notice. Probably, she thought, because they think he _always_ looks like that.

It was true Nico's expression never varied much; it could be hard to tell it varied at all unless you knew him. Apart from herself, there were only two people Hazel thought might really know her brother. There was Bianca, his other sister, who was dead. And their friend Percy, who was in Tartarus.

Percy...Hazel didn't know him as well as Nico, but she missed him. She could hardly imagine what that meant Nico was feeling. This voyage hadn't started off well, with New Rome being blown up and all. And now, since Percy and Annabeth had fallen, no one ever looked cheerful. But after having spent such a long time in a jar, being rescued only to watch people you care about fall to their presumable doom...Even by demigod standards, that was harsh.

Judging by his expression, Nico had an idea of who the ghost was, and he didn't like it. He obviously didn't want to talk about it. But they had to find this guy, or they'd never get Diocletian's scepter—something which both Jason and Nico agreed would be important to their quest. Hazel still wasn't sure how she felt about Jason, but she trusted Nico.

"It's getting late, and nobody's eaten yet, right?" Hazel glanced around the deck, trying to make eye contact with everyone, to pull all their attention towards her. "Why don't we break for dinner, and then make a plan to find this ghost. Nico and I are children of the Underworld—maybe together we can figure this out," she said pointedly, looking in Nico's direction.

Nico got the message. "Hazel's right," he announced. "You guys should eat. We'll figure this out."

"Well, I'm starving!" Leo agreed.

"Fine by me," Piper consented.

Frank glanced between Hazel and Nico, obviously uneasy. "You sure you're gonna be all right?"

Hazel resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Frank was always so protective of her—Nico was her brother, he wasn't going to harm her. He'd protected her the same as Frank after she'd been poisoned by those cow monsters...Being scared of him seemed ridiculous, at least to Hazel. Couldn't everyone _see_ he was on their side?

"I'll be fine," she told him, patting his arm reassuringly.

Frank didn't seem reassured, but he took one last glance at Nico, and then followed everyone else to the Mess Hall.

"Shall we?" Nico indicated the way to Hazel's room.

Hazel nodded, and let him take the lead.

* * *

><p>Nico stood with his back against the wall, while Hazel plopped down onto her bed. The door was shut, which was as good as a Don't Enter sign; Hazel always kept it open, unless she was changing.<p>

"I think I've seen that ghost before," Nico began, in answer to Hazel's unspoken question. "In my dreams."

Hazel raised her eyebrows. Dreams, for demigods, were usually not just _dreams_. She waited for him to continue.

"And...the thing is...Hazel, I don't think that guy was actually a ghost. I think he was a wind god." Nico stared at her through his bangs, like he was afraid making direct eye contact would make the god appear. "In my dreams, there's a man with wings, sort of like an angel. He keeps telling me that his master is expecting me. If he's who I think he is, there's only one person his "master" could be."

Hazel waited, but Nico didn't go on. She didn't like the look in his eyes. It was the same as when he'd been rescued from the jar—part hollow, part terrified, like he wanted to die right then and there but his body wouldn't let him give in. There was something distant about his expression, as if he were still in Tartarus, rather than in Hazel's cabin.

"Nico," she said carefully, "who are they?" They must be powerful, she thought, if _Nico's_ afraid of them.

For a second, Hazel almost regretted asking. She wasn't sure she wanted to know. But they had to find this guy, or his master, or whoever, if they wanted to save Percy and Annabeth. This was one thing she couldn't allow Nico to keep to himself; not just for the sake of the quest, but because it wasn't fair to Nico. She could tell it was killing him, trying to swallow his fear of whoever this guy was. Who, in the name of the gods, could possibly be so bad?

Hazel had always thought Nico was the most dangerous person she knew. She loved him, sure, he was her brother. But there was no denying that he could take care of himself. Yet now he was shaking; it wasn't too visible, just a tremor in his hands. He was obviously trying to control it. But until now, Hazel couldn't have ever imagined a Nico who looked like he was about to wet himself.

"The wind god who's been visiting me," —he said "visiting me" like he meant "punching me in the face"— "Is probably Zephyr, the West Wind. You'd know him as Favonius."

"He helped Psyche," Hazel recalled, "Cupid's wife."

Realization dawned on her. "Cupid..._That's_ who has Diocletian's scepter? That's who we need to go see? That shouldn't be a problem, then—"

Nico balled his hands into fists. "You don't understand...We can't just...I mean, you can't just _go see _Cupid. You have to be escorted to his court by Zephyr, and he won't see just anyone. It's not like we could just send Piper or Jason—I mean, he has to...He has to want you there. You have to be of interest to him. He's not like Aphrodite, he doesn't care about meddling with people who already _have_...you know...He's like the clean-up crew. His job—"

"He makes people fall in love, right?" Hazel interrupted.

Nico didn't meet her eyes. "Not...exactly. He can do that, on Aphrodite's orders. But what Cupid actually _does_...He's not _just_ a love god, like Aphrodite. He's like...the literal embodiment of love. Being in Cupid's presence...It does things to you."

Hazel considered that. "You mean like, when you're around Mars, and your mood changes and you suddenly want to start a fight?"

Nico nodded. "I think so, yeah. Except with Cupid, your..._other_...emotions get riled up."

"You mean, like, you get the urge to confess who you're in love with, or something like that?"

Nico nodded again. "I've been having nightmares," he admitted, "about confessing in front of everyone. And after what happened, I don't think I—"

"Wait," Hazel raised her hand, "what happened? With who? Nico, you like someone?" Well, she thought, _that _was unexpected. She didn't think Nico had ever spent enough time around anybody to really befriend them, let alone develop a crush.

Nico took a deep breath, like he was mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say. "You have to _promise_ me you won't tell anyone," he managed. "Not yet."

Hazel smiled, a little amused. "Sure."

"The guy I like..."

Hazel startled. "Guy?"

Nico glared. "Is that a problem?"

Hazel shook her head hastily. "No, Nico, of course not...Just...oh my gods, no wonder you didn't want...I understand. Sorry, you were saying?"

Of course she understood. How could she not? Nico and Hazel had grown up around the same time. Homophobia might be bad in the present day, but it had been even worse back then. Whatever the stereotypes were about Italians, Hazel guessed it wasn't easier to be queer in Italy than in the United States.

Even if they'd mostly adjusted to present times, it was hard to get over the fear of old prejudices—especially when they weren't as gone as you'd like. Being African-American, Hazel understood that better than just about anybody.

"When I was younger, Bianca was the only one who knew. When I babbled to her, she warned me to stay quiet. She told me it was like being Jewish—not a bad thing, but dangerous during the war."

Hazel nodded sympathetically.

"When we left the Lotus Hotel," he continued, "Well, it was a new era. There were a lot of kids at Westover Hall who were, you know...And I didn't really think I was weird, but Bianca was always scared for me. I know she was always afraid I was going to get hurt; I don't know if she was afraid I'd get beat up for liking other guys, or if she was just afraid I was going to get killed by monsters."

Nico had started talking with his hands, the way he did when he was caught up in his thoughts, like facial expression and tone of voice couldn't possibly convey enough meaning on their own. Hazel had noticed that Pluto had that habit, too, when he was Hades. She wondered if it was a Greek thing, having too much energy; maybe part of the reason Greek demigods usually had ADHD, and Romans almost never did.

"Going to Camp Half-Blood...Well, the Aphrodite girls immediately tried pairing me up with girls from the Hephaestus or Hermes cabins, as a joke. They thought I was a loser, and that watching me be rejected by "repulsive" girls would be hilarious. One of their brothers, I think his name was Mitchell, got Silena—she was their counselor at the time—and she got them to knock it off, but...Mitchell had figured out I already liked someone, and he had a hunch it wasn't any girl in the camp."

Hazel watched as Nico's face contorted as he described the memory; usually he was good at keeping his expression neutral, but now he was a bit flushed with embarrassment, and his nose was all scrunched up, like he was annoyed.

"The Stoll brothers—sons of Hermes—caught wind of it, and they kept making fun of me. I tried to tell them I was distracted because my sister was on a quest, and I was worried about her. It was mostly true, too. But for the most part, I think it was really obvious that all I could think about was..."

His face turned so red Hazel thought he was going to pass out. She was about to ask if he was okay. Was he even still breathing? But before she could say anything, he continued speaking.

"...Percy. I just...I thought he was the coolest guy I'd ever met. He was my favorite game—Mythomagic—come to life! A real demigod...with powers, and magic items, and a _sword_," —he said the word "sword" reverently, like he was an excited ten-year-old kid again, and not a thirteen-year-old with his own blade dangling from his belt— "And he'd shown up for me and Bianca. He wanted me and Bianca to—he told us we were demigods too, and he was going to take us to a safe place...I was sure he was going to be my best friend. Since we came to America, I'd never really known anybody besides Bianca...And in the Lotus Hotel, you don't really...talk to people. You just play games. I was ten years old, and...I know it's stupid, but...even though I'd just met him, I thought..."

"That you were in love with him," Hazel guessed.

"Yeah," Nico admitted, glancing away from her again, as if the cabin's walls were spectacularly interesting.

"Nico, that's so..."

"Lame?" Nico offered.

"I was going to say _sweet_," she said honestly.

Hazel had thought she knew Nico better than anyone. She could always tell the subtle shifts in his moods, and she was the only member of the Argo II who didn't seem to doubt him. She'd known he had a dorky side, and that he used to play Mythomagic, because he'd mentioned it to her when he was trying to convince her she deserved another chance at life. He'd told her all about his other sister, and how they were from the same time period, and how much better the world was now. He'd gone on a lot about something called "McDonald's".

But she had to admit, she hadn't been expecting her brother to have a romantic side. It was kind of cute. She'd never seen him get this worked up before. There was a weird mixture of happiness, embarrassment, and regret in his voice, no doubt mirroring how his emotions were all over the map when it came to Percy. If she was being honest, she was surprised Nico liked someone she knew...

She suddenly felt a wave of misery wash over her—and she realized it was coming from Nico. His usual death-aura had come back, and it had grown, blackening the room's light like a living shadow.

He took a deep breath, as if he was trying to reign in his personality itself: that quick glimpse of himself he'd shown to Hazel, what he looked like when he was whole and happy. It was almost like he felt a duty, Hazel realized, to act like he was more mature than he was, like he had it all under control. Controlling the dead took an iron will; controlling his feelings must have been twice as hard.

Hazel couldn't help feeling sorry for her brother. How horrible it must be, to lose the only people you've ever loved. She knew what that was like; she'd lost her mother to Gaea, and she'd lost Sammy before she'd ever had a chance with him. Nico probably felt the same way about Bianca and Percy. She felt touched, if a little bit sad, that Nico was able to discuss this with her—and only her.

"I understand, if you don't want to tell the others, but—" she began.

"But _nothing_," Nico cut her off. "I don't want anyone else to know. You're my sister, Hazel, that's one thing, but...Ever since Percy fell into Tartarus, I..."

"Feel like it's all your fault," Hazel suggested, "Or like you don't deserve to love him, because you couldn't save him."

"Nico," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder, "That's not true. None of us could stop Percy and Annabeth from falling into Tartarus."

"You don't know that. What if..." Nico's voice had gotten quiet, like he was about to voice a thought he didn't want to enter his head, let alone leave his mouth. "What if I let them fall on purpose? I just keep thinking...I was _so_ jealous of Annabeth...What if I didn't try hard enough to save them, because I wanted—"

Hazel gripped Nico by his arms, and forced him to look at her. "Nico, stop. You have been to Tartarus. No matter how you feel about Annabeth, I _know_ you'd never let her go there on purpose."

Nico laughed once without mirth. "Do you know the story of Zephyr, Hazel? He killed the guy he was in love with because he was angry that he couldn't have him."

Hazel shook her head. "So, what? You're not Zephyr, Nico. You're my brother. I love you, and I can't stand to watch you...you blame yourself for something—you hate yourself for something you didn't even do."

"If Cupid comes after me," Nico argued, "He's going to make me...He's going to make me tell everyone..."

"It doesn't matter!"

Nico wrenched himself out of her grip, possibly so that he could gesticulate wildly, as he apparently felt the need to. "HOW CAN I SAY I'M IN LOVE WITH PERCY," he shouted loudly, just in case all of Europe couldn't hear, "WHEN I LET THAT HAPPEN? HE'S IN TARTARUS, AND IT'S BECAUSE HE WAS TRYING TO SAVE ME—It's because he...he came to my rescue again. If he hadn't bothered with that, he could've saved Annabeth. If he hadn't come to save me, you guys would be that much closer to stopping Gaea. If—"

"If Percy didn't save you, I don't think he'd ever forgive himself. You know as well as I do, Nico. It's Percy's fatal flaw: he can't give up on anyone. He has to save everybody. He stood up for me to Octavian, the very first day we met."

"I'm not surprised," Nico muttered.

"You weren't recovered yourself when they fell, Nico. You were half dead. You needed help to stand. I don't think Percy's falling into Tartarus was your fault, and I don't think he blames you either. But you agreed to lead us to Epirus because you love him, right? Then that's all there is to it," Hazel spoke as if the matter were closed. "You have to face Cupid. He's the embodiment of love, right? Right now, your love is tainted by guilt. If I were Cupid, and I was sending you stupid dreams, I would tell you to let it go. That's the only way you're going to be able to lead this quest."

Nico sighed, and finally looked up through his bangs again at Hazel. "You're right," he admitted. "I know that, but...I'm still...scared, I guess. That Cupid will tell me that it's my fault. That he'll blame me for losing another person I love. I'd already decided to give up on Percy, but...I don't think I can live with myself if I...If I never get to tell him, at least once. That I liked him. I'll give up on him after that, but even if he hates me or thinks I'm disgusting—"

"He won't think you're disgusting," Hazel admonished.

Nico ignored her. "Whatever happens, I want to say it at least once. I'm sick of running away. If—_When_ I see him again...I think I'll be able to give up on him for real. But I need to have that much closure, at least. It won't be like it was with Mom and Bianca. I don't want anyone else who's important to me to die...without me getting to tell them..."

Hazel smiled sadly, and took his hand in hers. "I know."

"When Cupid comes, I _will _face him," Nico said bravely, his face melting back into its usual expression of grim determination. "But..."

"What is it?" Hazel asked.

"I don't want to face him alone. Hazel, would you come with me?"

For a moment, Hazel thought she was looking at the Nico that Bianca must have known. The vulnerable little kid who needed his big sister. Weird, she thought, since he's older than me.

She squeezed his hand. "Of course. Just promise me one thing."

Nico took a deep breath. "What?"

"If we live through this, you'll consider telling the others."

He grinned at her wickedly, as if she were making a bet he knew she would lose.

"I'll consider it."

Hazel noticed that he didn't let go of her hand.


End file.
